


Everybody Needs A Life Fibre

by anarchytissues



Category: Kill la Kill, The Lorax (2012)
Genre: F/M, Obviously a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3146069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchytissues/pseuds/anarchytissues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody needs a thneed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody Needs A Life Fibre

**Author's Note:**

> my friend made a joke post about a klk/lorax crossover where ragyo marries the once-ler. he didn't expect anyone to actually do it.

The Once-ler looked out the office window, admiring his empire Thneedville. Who knew that his own little invention would be needed by everyone and would do so well? A low laugh escaped him as he spun on his heel to move to his desk. Delicate gloved fingers pushed up his large sunglasses and adjusted the truffula plant on the lapel of his suit jacket.

"Mr. Once-ler, your two 'o' clock appointment is here." A tired voice from the intercom on the desk called out in between the staticy clicks and muffled music in the background.

"Yeah, yeah. Bring 'em in..." Oncie muttered as he plopped himself in his plush office chair-taking care not to knock over the towers of sick cash money littered around the office.

Suddenly the booming sound of a song in German could be heard throughout the office once the office doors swung open. Blinding white light and brilliant colors of every hue filled the room-it stung The Onceler's eyes even with his sweet shades.

He narrowed his eyes at the light, seeing the tall silhouette of a woman that reeked of style, elegance and power. He felt overwhelmed by her aura.

She came closer and closer before sitting in front of the desk. "My name is Ragyo Kiryuin and I have a business proposition."

Onceler grinned, swinging his twig legs up onto the desk. "Well, I am interested in biggering my company, but what makes you think that you, Ms. Kiryuin can do that?"

"Life Fibers."

"And what are those?"

It was Ragyo's turn to grin, the wicked expression driving a spike through The Once-ler's heart. Her eyes lit up dangerously as she took in a deep breath before explaining her plot to take over the world with this alien parasites like it was no big deal.

Once-ler narrowed his eyes once she was finished, to be honest, he wasn't paying much attention to what the woman was actually saying. Instead focusing on how her technicolor hair shimmered and how her eyes were a beautiful wine red color with flecks of silver that lit up like the night sky when the light hit them in just the right way.

"What makes you think that people would want to wear these?"

"Well. Everyone needs a thneed," Ragyo purred, her manicured hand placing itself onto the surface of the desk.

They both smiled at each other before the man placed his own hand on top of hers.

* * *

 

The wedding was over the top and honestly overwhelming to the general public-both the bride and the groom were larger than life and money was no object. The wedding colors were ivory and emerald, which decorated the large hall.

Choirs sang hymns as The Once-ler stood at the altar, waiting for the love of his life to walk down the aisle. He glanced down at the guests, taking note of his sobbing mother who batted at her leaking eyes with a thneed. She was so proud of her little Oncie for not only helping taking over the business world but the world itself with his invention and for getting married.

The sound of the organ beginning to play took The Once-ler out of his thoughts, his denim colored eyes lighting up at the sight of his moon, his stars, his sun.

There she was, Ragyo Kiryuin, walking down the aisle. Her silver and technicolor hair was adorned with flowers that glowed like her hair and her wedding dress shimmered like the sun reflecting off of the sea with every small step she took. Behind her, Nui Harime-decked out in a viridian affair-held the extremely long trail of her dress.

He felt his heart nearly leap out of his chest once she had finally made it up to the altar, her vermillion eyes wet with tears. She gently reached out for his hands, lightly grasping them as she looked at him with adoration in those glimmering red hues.

"Friends, we have been invited here today to share with Ragyo and Beanpole, a very important moment in their lives. In the years they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife. "

Ragyo smiled at The Once-ler, a warmth spreading from the ends of her hair to the very tips of her toes.

"Do you take this beanpole to be your husband."

"I do."

"And do you take this woman to be your wife?"

"I do."

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you, man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

The Once-ler leapt at Ragyo, their lips meeting together in bliss. There were fireworks and more German singing and sweet guitar riffs.

It was sick.

**The End.**


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